Indonesia’s recent laws on the eradication of domestic violence (UU PKDRT) now recognize psychological violence. When a "Japan Bapak" gives the Menantu the silent treatment for three weeks because dinner was salty, that is now legally actionable. Is There a Middle Way? Not all hierarchy is bad. The "Japan Bapak" brings stability and work ethic. The traditional Menantu brings bakti (devotion) which is beautiful.
Young Indonesian couples are now demanding rumah tangga mandiri (independent households). They refuse to live in the Bapak’s house. They cite the "Japan Bapak vs. Menantu" dynamic as the primary reason for divorce or estrangement. Japan Xxx Bapak Vs Menantu Mesum
For the Bapak reading this: Your Menantu is not your employee. She is the mother of your future grandchildren. Treat her with the warmth of Indonesia, not the rigidity of a bygone era. Indonesia’s recent laws on the eradication of domestic
The "Japan Bapak" treats the Menantu not as a new family member, but as a replacement for his wife’s labor. If the Menantu works a corporate job (a modern reality), she is still expected to cook, clean, and manage the household archives—mirroring the Japanese ryosai kenbo (good wife, wise mother) ideal, but without the support system. Not all hierarchy is bad
For the Menantu : Your culture of sungkan (reluctance to offend) is killing you. Speak up. A healthy family doesn’t need a dictator; it needs a dialogue. What are your experiences with in-law dynamics in modern Indonesia? Is the "Japan" comparison fair, or is it just old-school patriarchy? Drop your thoughts in the comments.
When you hear the term Bapak (Father) in Indonesia, you think of respect, the head of the family, and the ultimate decision-maker. When you hear the term Menantu (Son/Daughter-in-law), you think of deference, service, and the process of integrating into a new family.